Find the Write Mind

‘Tis the season and all that…

I was thinking about the flurry of gift-giving that goes on at this time of year and also of the spiritual themes of receiving gifts. In that vein, I thought I’d list a few gifts for which I am grateful.

- Novelists, screenwriters, television writers…any and all writers who have entertained and enlightened me throughout my life.

- Those same mediums (books, film, television) that carry on the tradition of telling stories.

- The ability to create from nothing, to form characters and plot lines, to transfer these into a written language in order to convey them to others.

- People who strive in the creative realms.

- A life that provides experiences and inspiration that is worth sharing.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.

~ Kirk

Tags: by Ellis Kirk
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I’m an emotional guy. There, I said it, the secret is out. Let the macho of the world descend on me in their white hot fury of denial, as I am the mirror showing them their own souls, destroying that which they do not comprehend.

Actually, all people are emotional, it is just a question of degree, awareness and availability. In my case, I’m not one to fall apart in a crisis or crumble when bad news is delivered. I don’t tend to sob uncontrollably when upset or jump up and down when excited, though I have done both on occasion.

On the other hand, I am fairly aware of my emotional states. There was a time when I was always ‘tired’, my catch-all for any negative emotion and still an instinctual favorite. However, I have grown over the years and can now tease that tired feeling into various components - frustration, fear, despair, hopelessness, anger, worry, envy…and the list goes on. It’s like using a prism to break white light into all those amazing colors.

This is useful in my writing due to the fact that all those negative emotions get in the way of my sitting down and writing. In the past, thinking I was ‘tired’ meant I just needed to rest, possibly sleep, and then I’d be ready to get to it. But I hardly did, because my diagnosis was not correct so the treatment did not work. Now I’ve been working on identifying each feeling specifically and taking action to address it and move on.

Today it’s a combo of despair and self-criticism. It has been awhile since I posted an entry here and, as a result, the feelings are brought on by that downer inner critic voice, telling me to just give it up.

My response is to acknowledge it for what it is, that it is not valid, and to post. To write.

I was also thinking that Hemingway would probably hate this blog, all this fuzzy feeling talk. He’d tell me that you just grab your bottle of scotch, sit down and write. I do have to admit, the drinks did solve the emotion issue…but only for awhile.

So I’m fighting Hemingway today, talking about my feelings, sharing with others, and drinking Good Earth tea (I think that’s the most embarrassing part of this post).

And I’m writing.

~ Kirk

Tags: by Ellis Kirk
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I’m worn. I have home projects to complete, work is a tad bit stressful, the new puppy throws off my routine, and we have three functions Saturday to attend. I find myself wishing for a week with nothing to do at all.

Here’s where I could say I would love a week where I could just write, with nothing else going on. Since it wouldn’t be true I’ll be honest and say I’d most likely dread the pressure of actually having huge chunks of time to write. That, however, is for another day.

Right now I feel like giving up, calling it quits, throwing in the towel. And why? Not because I have a huge structural problem with the story. Not due to a life situation that is consuming any and all free time. Not even from a fading of interest.

It’s solely a result of the inner defeatist, the voice in my head that is the opposite of the encourager for whom I long. When I look at my story notes, I see the basic plot line, the characters, and whole scenes waiting to be incorporated into the whole. Then I hear the voice start telling me that there is no way I’m going to be able to assemble that mess, to construct a decent, coherent story out of it.

Simply, it says, “That’s not going to work out.” I’ve heard it often.

So here’s my response to that petty villain lurking in my subconscious. First, I expose him here for what he is, a voice from my past that might not have had the life he wanted and vented those feelings onto others. Second, I recognize that I am tired. Twelve Step groups have the acronym H.A.L.T., which means to proceed with caution anytime I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Finally, I will keep moving forward. It does not matter if I can’t see the whole story as assembled right now. I just need to take the next step.

I’m going to bed.

Tags: by Ellis Kirk
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