Find the Write Mind

Yes, I concede, the title is a bit misleading. I am not saying that my writing is wonderful, leaping from fingers to keyboard with ease, dazzling its way onto the screen, ready for a swarm of agents to fight over such a prized piece of perfection.

I am saying that sometimes I cannot write anything at all because I fear it’ll be terrible. And writing that sucks is better than no writing at all.

I am not exactly sure of the source of my dread nor how to overcome it fully but I will make a few guesses and pose some actions.

My upbringing was definitely a training in predictability, like a programmer’s ‘if-then’ statement. Go to school, stay out of trouble, believe in God and I will have a well-paying job I like, a good marriage and a belief in God. Writing in no way whatsoever fits into this paradigm. There has not yet been a day when the result of the time I put into writing for a day was what I had planned in my mind when I first sat down. It’s more like jumping off a cliff and planning to grasp a branch on the way down, or what looks like a branch from up here. Some days it’s just the fall.

Delayed gratification is not at the top of my favorites list. I like now - getting things now, having my results now, being in the now. So for days on end I pile together strings of words, phrases which seem to barely pass as the English language, unable to receive the reward of praise, publication or pay. And being a beginner in the field, those results may be years off…if ever.

It’s embarrassing to admit that my mental critic succeeds in berating me all to often. The two conditions mentioned above provide the perfect groundwork for the attack, the malicious suggestion that I should ‘give up’ and move back to goals that have predictable, very short paths to them.

What do I do now?

I need to put in the time on a regular basis. For example, this morning’s span was spent, for the most part, staring at my computer screen and turning certain story components over and over in my mind, only producing half a page before it was time to head to work. Even so, the thought pattern and conclusion I came to regarding one character’s role is extremely valuable. So for me the time is important, regardless of word count.

I also need community. I need voices that encourage me to write. I need fellow artists who share their own creative journey. I need to hear other stories of struggle, failure and success. I need those people and their presence to overwhelm the critic within. So I am currently in the process of inviting select people into my process (this is one of those ways) and also investigating other avenues to connect with other writers.

My hope is that I will write and that my writing will suck. And that will be okay, because we all know there’s still editing to do.

~ Kirk

Tags: by Ellis Kirk
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I hate making New Year’s resolutions.

I don’t do it anymore. There are two reasons that I ceased that practice. One is simply that January is an arbitrary marker of time and I’ve found that my birthday, when I have another full year’s worth of days under my belt, is a better occasion for personal reflection. The other is that I was never able to stick to my resolutions.

Every year I would go through a list of character defects I’d want to overcome, projects that I would like to finish, people with whom I’d like to connect…and screenplays or novels I’d like to write. And every year, somewhere around March if I was lucky, the realization would hit that I was off course, missing the mark, and I would throw my hands up in surrender and slide back into the well worn behavioral tracks previously known.

This is still a pattern I experience, even when using my birthday as a start date. When I was reflecting on writing this post, I realized I could share two insights on why I fail. Use them as you will.

1. Unrealistic Goals: Often my resolutions emerge as grand, life-changing plans which are way beyond anything I should expect. It may be more reasonable to not expect goal completion within the next year, which means I need to break it down so that I don’t have to wait for five years before seeing results. Also, there are goals that have aspects over which I have no control. For example, if I finish a screenplay, setting a goal of “selling” it may be impossible, as I have little control over the person on the other end of that process who makes that choice. A better goal may revolve around number of submissions per month and my work on the next project. I need to create goals that I can achieve within the time frame I give myself.

2. Vague Goals: How often have I thrown out “write a novel” as a resolution? Embarrassing! Even though that may be a great goal and a possible goal, the fact that I have no plan for achieving that goal sinks me every time. The answer here is to sit down and figure out the steps involved that would bring the goal to completion. For a novel it may mean having a daily word count or page goal. It may be just allotting a set amount of time on certain days of the week for writing. The process of defining a plan may actually change the goal. If my plan is to write one hour every morning five days a week, it may be better to set my plan as my goal since I don’t know how much work I will actually finish by the end of the year.

There is one very important realization I need to keep in mind. It’s not very valuable to put all kinds of importance and weight on a particular day of the year, whether it’s New Year’s or my birthday. What is important is that each day I choose to use my time to align with the priorities in my life.

As the Twelve Step programs say, “One day at a time”. That way, when I blow it (as I surely will), I don’t have to throw in the towel. I have the next day to pick up where I left off.

Happy New Year everyone!

~ Kirk

Tags: by Ellis Kirk
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